I found myself laying on the bathroom floor in only my underwear. My head was soaked with sweat like I had run a five mile race in the middle of July even though the temperature in the apartment was under 60. I had stripped off my wool pants, sweatshirt, and shirt on the way to the bathroom in attempt to cool down. I had violently vomited in an attempt to remove the poison from my body and now was laying on the cold floor wondering if I would need to call 911. So ended my first foray in to pickling peppers.
When LJ and I visited my parents over the weekend my mom was in the last throws of cleaning out her garden before it succumbed to the inevitable frost. The kitchen counter was piled with green tomatoes and the freezer was full of bagged raspberries. My mom came in the house with an uprooted pepper plant that was full with peppers and asked if I would like any. She ended up bagging nearly thirty jalapenos for me so I had to figure out a way to preserve them.
When we returned home on Sunday I searched my favorite food and canning blogs and settled on Unfancy pickled jalapeno pepper from Food in Jars. I liked it because it was simple and something I could use in tacos, soups, and chilis throughout the winter along with giving a jar to my dad who loves both peppers and anything pickled.
I took extra safety precautions by purchasing latex gloves for the slicing of the peppers. I never wear gloves when I make salsa but I figured since I would be handling so many peppers it would be the smart thing to do. Plus the last times I made salsa I ended up touching myself in a very sensitive area and I had a burning sensation for the rest of the evening. I didn’t go to the doctor though because I was afraid she wouldn’t believe me and make be take a battery of STD tests.
After cold packing the sliced peppers in to half pint jars, I poured in the simple brine solution. I tapped the jars on the counter a number of times and used a chopstick to remove as many air bubbles as possible. A few pepper slices floated to the top so I pulled them out, secured the warmed lids on the jars, and processed in a hot water bath.
While the pickles were processing I tried one of the floating slices I had pulled from the jar. The hot brine had cooked it but there was still some crunch in the slice. The brine provided some salt and sour flavor but it had remained spicy, and with a little bit of a bite, but I ate the first slice without feeling too much. The real trouble began as I was swallowing slice number two.
My mouth started to burn and I began to have the hiccups, which are both normal reactions for me when I have something a little too spicy. I suffered as I cleaned up the kitchen and waited for the jars to finish their bath. By the time I pulled the jars out of the bath and set them on a towel to cool I was starting to sweat, was having trouble breathing, and my chest was so tight that I was afraid I might be having a heart attack. I took off my sweatshirt while walking to the bathroom and by the time I arrived my hair was soaked with sweat. I could feel beads on my forehead and neck. I took off my wool pants and socks as I felt my stomach start to turn.
I am a violent vomitter. The first time I got sick after LJ and I were living together she was scared I might be in real trouble, instead of realizing I just had one too many beers (which is usually somewhere around beer three for me). I learned when I was young that vomiting usually makes me feel better, so I go at it with full force and vigor.
After cooling down on the bathroom floor in nothing but my boxer briefs for what must have been a quarter hour, I retraced my steps to retrieve my clothes. Now I’m a little worried about giving away any of the jars but I’m not sure how I can convince myself to use them.
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